


New Guy

by TinCanTelephone



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates, Gen, Humor, Pre-Relationship, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 05:11:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13116738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinCanTelephone/pseuds/TinCanTelephone
Summary: Leia is a crazy anal-retentive type-A. Shara is a complete weirdo. And Jyn is a mess of a human being. They all share a loft.Naturally, Cassian decides to move in with them.





	New Guy

**Author's Note:**

> Also known as, the Reverse New Girl AU!
> 
>  
> 
> Something light for once :)

They're all staring at him. It's kind of intimidating. The one on the right, Latina with wild curly hair, leans over to the one in the middle, whose bun is tied too tight and who's sitting so straight it looks painful.

"You didn't say it was a dude," she says in what's probably supposed to be a whisper but sounds very loud in the otherwise silent loft.

"This is our roommate application." Tight Bun ignores her and slides a sheet of paper across the table. "Please list all your dietary requirements, drinking habits, sleeping schedule, work schedule, and weird quirks such as but not limited to, nail biting, crotch scratching, midnight showering, tooth picking, and/or inappropriate whistling."

"Okay…" They haven't told him their names. He looks pointedly at Tight Bun.

"Leia."

"Leia…?"

"It's just Leia," the one on the left interrupts. She has terrible posture, is wearing wrinkled plaid over a shirt with what looks like a day-old soup stain on it, and is peering at him through narrow eyes.

He can't decide if her expression is a little scary or just plain weird. Although he supposes weird wouldn't be too out of place here. Maybe another day, he'd just tell them that and leave, but he's desperate. So he makes an attempt at politeness. "I'm sorry, Leia." He looks to the one on the left. "And…?"

"Jyn." She sits up. "Jyn Erso. Bartender by day, zombie novelist by night." She extends her hand.

He takes it. It's sticky.

Leia rolls her eyes. "For the last time, you can't say you're a novelist if you haven't actually written anything."

"I'm sorry, not all of us can be J. K. Rowling over here." Jyn picks up an open beer bottle from the floor beside her chair and takes a swig. "Creative genius takes time."

Cassian checks his watch. It's 2 in the afternoon.

Leia shakes her head and turns back to Cassian. "Let's go see the apartment."

She stands and he rushes to follow her. Jyn and Curly Hair trail behind her.

He sees Leia's bedroom first, spic-and-span, bed perfectly made with hospital corners. It's also the biggest ("Because I pay the most rent"), which she makes sure to point out. Curly Hair's (Shara, he learns) room is the smallest, but it doesn't seem like it at first because one wall is covered in an elaborate (and rather graphic) mural depicting a battle in space between aliens and humans.

Cassian stares.

Leia and Jyn are visibly embarrassed, but Shara just shrugs and says, "It's cool."

Jyn's room is the second largest, but he only catches a glimpse of before Leia pulls the door shut and says, "No one needs to see that."

Jyn seems vaguely indignant, but Cassia has to agree. In about two seconds and through a six-inch window, he saw no sign of the floor through the piles of clothes, multiple dirty dishes, and at least one half-eaten sandwich that did not look fresh.

The empty bedroom is the second smallest but still a decent size. It also has, he notes, hardwood floors and one brick wall.

The bathroom is spotless, and Cassian has no doubt this is because of Leia, but there's only one shower, and the one shelf is completely full of products from various expensive brands. Cassian has no doubt this is also because of Leia.

"You'll need a shower caddy," she says. "No shampoo bottles or soap on the ground. It's like paradise for bacteria and parasites."

Cassian's 28. He's not buying a goddamn shower caddy.

Jyn shrugs. "Or just do what I do and use shampoo for everything. It's just basically soap, right?"

They all stare at her.

"What?" She takes another pull of her beer. It looks nearly empty.

Leia shakes her head. "You're an animal." She looks at Cassian. "She's an animal. Don't listen to her." She walks briskly back to the dining room table. They all return to their seats and Cassian stares at Leia's extensive questionnaire.

This seems like a bad idea. He should just thank them and leave. Maybe that creepy landlord at the last place he visited isn't so bad after all. Maybe the 40-minute commute to work from that other place won't be so terrible. He shakes his head and begins to fill out the form.

As he slides it back across the table, he thinks about his old apartment, where he lived with his girlfr– ex-girlfriend. He remembers the last time he was there. She was naked. And so was the man sitting on their (her) kitchen counter. Nope, he needs a new place and he needs it now. This one has the perfect price, perfect location and perfect…

He looks across the table. They appear to be whispering about him.

"I thought we agreed…"

"Yes, but…"

"…no dudes…"

"…toilet seat…"

"…what would other girls…"

He clears his throat and they turn back toward him.

"We have decided," Leia says. "To accept your application to live in this loft. You may move in at your earliest convenience."

He blinks. "Thank you, that's very–"

Leia isn't finished. "On the condition that the toilet seat remains down at all times, I never find any beard hair on the sink, we receive at least three hours' notice before any potential sexual partner is brought to the premises, and you refrain from viewing pornography in any public living spaces."

He almost laughs. "I would never…"

Her stare intensifies. He didn't know that was possible.

"Sorry. Yes. Conditions understood and accepted. Thank you." He shakes her hand and moves to stand.

"And no drinking my good whiskey," Jyn says.

Cassian thinks whatever whisky Jyn considers 'good' would probably strip the paint off his car. Not to mention his stomach lining. "Deal."

 

Waiting for the elevator, he's still wondering whether he's crazy for making this decision. And mutters a curse when he realizes he'll have to stop at Target on the way home to buy a shower caddy.

**Author's Note:**

> This series up for adoption! By which I mean I may or may not write companions to this premise but if you love New Girl, please feel free to use this RebelCaptain Universe to write anything you want (using a New Girl episode storyline or not)! The parallels I've imagined are: 
> 
> Nick = Jyn  
> Schmidt = Leia  
> Winston = Shara  
> Jess = Cassian  
> Cece = Han  
> Aly = Kes
> 
> –––––
> 
> Also, I just saw TLJ for the second time because I love it so much and as I was leaving the theater I was like, "Hey, that blue coat looks familiar" – because it was a Captain Cassian Andor Jacket!! Some guy was wearing a Captain Cassian Andor Jacket!! What?! I just had to share that :) :) :)


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